“I hate the ice cream truck.” There I said it. I hate the sound of it, the smell of it, and the look of the scary people who drive it. I liken it to clowns. Sure, they’re supposed to be fun and make people happy, but to me, they’re just plain creepy and make me cringe.

So, a couple months ago at my son’s football auction, I was captivated by a photograph of Tiger Woods and Michael Jordan on the golf course. I said to myself, that’s really cool. A picture of two of the most famous athletes on the planet. So, I put a bid on it and won. It was inspiring at the time, until…

Headline: “Tiger Woods fathered secret love child”

Headline: “Tiger Woods Impregnated Porn Star Girlfriend Twice While Wife Was Expecting”

Headline: “Susie Ogren: Tiger Woods Took Ecstasy, Hoped To ‘Get Me Into Bed’”

Well, that did it. The picture that was proudly posted on my living room wall now sits in the corner of my dining room floor facing the wall in an infinite time out. Just like Tiger.

So this is why my son won’t “friend” me on Facebook. I understand that he doesn’t want his Mom in his “business,” but these days, technology is pretty much the only way he’ll communicate with me. “Talking is old school,” he tells me. Or should I say, texts me. We haven’t talked in so long, I forget what his voice sounds like.  So…we Tweet, we text, we e-mail & we stare. Ahhhhhh! Good times. Good times.

I love to help people, I really do. But for some strange reason, whenever I volunteer I become dumb as dirt. This was recently made clear when working at the snack shack at my son’s soccer game.

“OK, you want a hotdog, soda, and popcorn?” I repeated to my customer.

“Yes.”

“OK, that’s $2 plus $1 plus $1 plus $1. So that’s uh, let me see, uh, let me just get the calculator…”

“It’s $5, Ma’am,” I was informed by my now annoyed customer.

“Oh right. Silly me. Out of $10? So that means you get, uh, uh, uh…”

“$5 change.”

“Right.”

OK, so this might be a slight exaggeration, but not much. I don’t know if it’s just being put on the spot or the old adage, if you don’t use certain skills on a daily basis it becomes harder to perform them. Either way, one thing is for sure, I think I’ll always have a fear to volunteer.

Anybody else?